#Findingyourcourage, #Keepingitreal, Burn out, Discouraged, encouragement, Exhausted, Journey, Keeping It Real, Weariness

Life Is Real, The Struggles Are Too

Just throwing some real life out there….

So all before 7:45am I have the cleanest smelling house in my community.

I managed to discover my hot water heater is leaking right after I opened up a fresh new bottle of bleach. As I discovered some wet stuff on some things in my laundry room, I left my bleach sitting on my dryer and went to get a bowl to put under the leaky hot water heater (as it is a little guy who is elevated above my head). While I was getting my bowl I heard something fall. I returned to my laundry room (which is off our carpeted family room) to find my bleach on the carpet spilling out with 3/4 of it emptied on my carpet. 😪

Now I am totally frustrated as I was hurried to get a few things done before trying to get some work done before Kiddo has her 2nd of 5 appointments between today and tomorrow afternoon.

Now my carpet is ruined and I should get my shop vac to absorb the extra water spilling out of my hot water heater tray when all I wanted to do was get some work done.

Oh boy, turn the cheek… make lemonade out of lemons and move on. I hope God provides me a few extra hours out of my day today.

Now to try to fix my problems.

I decided to show the real and and the raw behind all the encouragement I post.

Life is a struggle and life is real.

If this resonates with you, know I am right there with ya friend.

I decided today to write about it and to share it with you with the hopes you will be encouraged knowing you are not alone with the struggles of life.

Make the best of your day!

Chronic Migraines, Courage, encouragement, Hope, Inspiration, Journal Journey, Journey, Keeping It Real, Life, Medical Journey, pain, Parenting, Rawness, Real, Rest, Strength

The Battle of Courage

Journaling Journey

It is Friday night again and we are sitting here together as Kiddo does another week of IgG Infusions.

This is not the best way for her to spend her Friday night, as most college students her age are out having fun, but doing it tonight is proving to be so much better for her.

By doing this on Friday night she is able to go to bed and sleep off the side effects that she was was trying to work (literally through) before she changed to Friday night. She is also able to rest her body tomorrow as she struggles through the remaining side effects.

She is amazingly strong and courageous. Every time she does this, she amazes me at the strength she has to sit there and inject 4 separate needles into her legs and then sit there for an hour or more while she waits for the infusion to finish.

For all she battles with her body on a daily basis, it breaks my heart to watch her, but I also find a sense of pride to call her my daughter because I know she has dig deep down inside to do something that the rest of us take for granted every day.

Her road ahead looks a bit dark as we struggle to figure out what it is going to take to give her her life back, but thankfully after four long hard years of struggling already and battling for the fights we have won and battling the fights we have lost, we are closer now to finding this solution than she has ever been in the years back.

It is my prayer that the journey she is on with the new medicines and treatments that there will be an end to this battle she battles within her body.

I was going to get ready to close until she just read me this amazingly fitting bible verse which I will share with you as well,

God is with her, she will not fall. Ps 46:5

God, you are amazing with your timing.

I was not going to write tonight as I often feel like what I write is not important and would not affect anyone else, but with closing with this verse and knowing Kiddo has no idea what I am doing, I know I was meant to write this tonight.

If you are battling a battle that is one you never dreamt you would battle, know you are not alone.

God has your back just as He has my daughter’s. He is with you, My Friend!

Find peace and comfort in this tonight.

Now I am going to close as I am sure Kiddos infusion should be close to being finished.

My friend, rest tonight. Allow God to take the burdens of the week away from you and sleep in the protection of His arms tonight.

Believe in Yourself, Christmas, Discouraged, Holiday, Journal Journey, Journey, Peace, Real, Strength, Weariness

The Real of Holiday Survival

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I am going to reveal the “reality” of my not so perfect holiday season with the hope if your holiday season was not all you wanted it to be, that this will encouraged you to know you are not the only one who struggled to get through a less than perfect Christmas season.

“Revelation and reality gives us the strength to conquer the messiness of life. ” HD Benson

We often times find ourselves comparing our lives to the perfection of the lives we see around us. When we watch Hallmark movies, we see everything is perfectly decorated and all the homemade Christmas treats are perfectly made and decorated. Then there is the perfection we see on FaceBook and on Instagram posts.

My Friend, this is not a reality. Do not compare your life to what you see in others. They only show you what they want you to see. They do not show you what is real and messy.

Now, I am going to show you my real and my messy with the hopes of encouraging you if yours looked anything like mine, it is okay because we all survived and got through another holiday season.

This week has been a week where I found myself in need of rest from an incredibly exhausting past few weeks and a grueling holiday season.

Once we finished with Thanksgiving, I decided to help my daughter who was extremely sick, finish her college semester in school. As her mom, who knows all she had gone through with her health and watched her struggle with pain and sickness for two straight months, I could not watch her fall into a pit of darkness and failure.

Instead, I put on my cheerleading clothes and drug out the pompoms and went to town. She was in desperate need of encouragement and strength and “mom” support, which I did for her. I stopped everything Christmas, stayed up late with her, got up early and she finished. She not only finished, but she finished with amazing grades. I am super proud of her for what she achieved in her first semester of college. I am praying for her health becomes better managed and her semester to come, is a much better one for her.

Once she finished her last class, it was time to jump back into Christmas mode, which I had avoided to give her everything she needed to get through this semester. I avoided the calendar to see how close we were getting to Christmas. I did everything possible to remain stress-free to keep my family happy and grounded during this crazy holiday season. However, when it was all done and I looked at the calendar, it was not pretty. I had one week to get five weeks worth of work done. I had to shop (as I had not bought one gift for anyone). I had to make the gifts we were giving away and I had not baked my first Christmas dessert yet. I told myself I had to do all of this with the minimalist amount of stress to keep the holiday cheer in my house.

What I have not mentioned was the really bad cold my daughter had, went through all of us. I had to take her to the doctor twice, my husband twice and the night of his first Emergency Room visit, I ran a fever that night and I ended up catching it as well and became extremely sick, but I fought my way through it to make Christmas happen.

With the strength God gave me and with His guidance to get through it all, I finished everything at 11:40 on Christmas Eve. It was all done and I could breathe again.

I wish I could say this all happened with no stress, but I can not. I did, however, make every effort of minimalizing it and that I feel like I accomplished it. I also have to confess that I was only able to pull off the first five days because my doctor put me on steroids as well as a steroid injection and an inhaler which enabled me to get a lot done because I do not handle steroids and sleep.

As a result of the steroids, I did begin to feel better and they gave me the extra energy that I needed to finish Christmas in time, but the exhausted crash that came afterward has been horrible. I needed this week to just rest and sleep to get caught back up.

This is the “real” and the raw of how my holidays went this year. I am, however, extremely thankful to hear back from not only my family but from my mom as well, that this was one of our best Christmas’s we have had in a long time.

Despite the sacrifices I made early on to help my daughter, they paid off in the end. It was not a traditional holiday season for me, but it came together in the very end and thankfully it all turned out well.

My friend, it does not matter how yours looked, whether it was wrought with challenges or it went smoothly, all that matters is that you tried and it is all done now for another year.

Now I will wish you all Happy New Year. It is my prayer this coming year will be one of peace and joy, changes if you are in need of them and the grace to accept everything that comes your way.

25 Day Christmas Treat Countdown, Baking, Christmas, Cookies, Holiday, Home

Christmas Real Vs. Perfect

Christmas baking in my house…

I have how much time???

With “x” amount of time, what can I get done?

Oh wait, I need to run out the door?

Ok, I can do this because last batch of cookies cake out of oven, but counter is a train wreck.

What do I do about this mess???

You take the dog with you so he doesn’t eat everything you just made, because he loves himself some sugar? Anyone else relate?

Then you repeat another day, but today, all the food first goes in oven (knowing no one will be home to turn it on.)

Second trip out the door, everything goes in the laundry room for the safety of your dog’s health and your baked goodies.

Just sharing a bit of real in my home.

Can anyone else relate to the realness of this story and not the perfect Hallmark Christmas program experiences?

Above is the first bundle of goodies being delivered today.

Christmas, Discouraged, HL&E Designs, Holiday, Home, Humor, Image, Inspiration, Journey, Laughter, Life, Motivation, Stress

The Black Hole of Christmas

Finding Christmas Humor 
@Home Life & Encouragement

Finding Christmas Humor Amongst the Caos

I just had to close out my day with a little Christmas humor. This “Black Hole of Christmas”, my loving daughter named it, is what my future Christmas projects will look like eventually for my business @HL&E Designs. 

I sat down tonight to pull some thoughts together and this is what they looked like when I came back to them. 

This is also what happens when you run out of day to finish pulling your thoughts together. You are left with this never ending black hole. 

For anyone who feels as behind as me this Christmas season, I hope this helps to break up some of the stress, anxiety, and exhaustion and replaces it with a moment of laughter. 

We will pull this off, Friends. I can not guarantee that we will be sane still, but I can promise, Christmas will come and go just like it does every year, whether we are ready for it or not.

Tomorrow is a new day, Friends. We can only accomplish all that our twenty-four hours will allow. Go to bed, forget about the never-ending to-do list, and rest tonight. Tomorrow will bring a new day to work on more.

Bondage, Book Promotion, Brave Art of Motherhood, Broken, Challenge, Discouraged, encouragement, HL&E Designs, Journey, Life, Real, Signs, Weariness

Believe In Yourself Today

Today, I want to encourage you to, “Believe in yourself.” This simple phrase has kept coming back to me since this past weekend, and the time has come to share it with you as well.

Do you find you struggle with…

  • Thoughts of self-doubt?
  • Lack of self-confidence?
  • Lack of trust for others?
  • Believe lies you tell yourself?
  • Struggle with fear?
  • Struggle with anxiety?
  • Struggle with feelings of worthlessness

These are strong and powerful emotions and if they are not contained and corrected, over time they can become damaging and even destructive. I want you to consider as you read this which of these emotions do you struggle with? How long have you felt them? Why do you believe them and what has prevented you from breaking free from the power of their bondage? I would also like for you to think about if any of them trigger other emotions within you and what do you feel as you experience them? 

I know as I evaluate this list I struggle with lacking self-confidence which I know is triggered by the power of fear. If I was to evaluate why and what caused it I would have to look back at my childhood. I lived in a home with my single/divorced mom from the age of 5 to the age of 14, when she married my dad. I grew up in a home with a family history of a perfectionists and if you did not do everything just the “right” way, then it was not done correctly.

As a result, everything I did, and it did not matter how big or small it was, I would doubt myself and tell myself it was not good enough, it was not perfect enough, so, therefore, it did not measure up to the “perfect” test. As a result, I live my life today believing whatever I do is never done the “right” way, so therefore it is never good enough to meet the standards I was raised with.

The toughest test I had to pass was when my dad died. My husband was deployed overseas for a short deployment and my dad was in poor health, so I decided to go home in case something happened while my husband was gone. Unfortunately, my greatest concern came true. Thankfully my mom and I had discussed the “what if” scenario leading up to this time because she knew she would not be able to handle his passing well.

This turned out to be the understatement of the year. While we were making funeral arrangements with the funeral director, my mom became very sick and instead of going to the flower shop next to pick out our flowers for the funeral, I had to take Mom to the Emergency Room, at which time they admitted her into the hospital. All I could think of was what am I going to do now?

My dad died the other day, my mom is now in the hospital, today is Saturday and his funeral is on Monday. I was unable to get her doctor to commit to me that my mom would be out of the hospital in time to attend my dad’s funeral, and I had to finish planning it in case she was, but also be prepared to change all the plans if she was not. What was this going to look like for someone who struggles with a lack of self-confidence? How am I ever going to finish his funeral and get everything “perfect” to meet my mom’s expectations (because she told me countless times his funeral was going to be done perfectly)?

My lack of self-confidence ran away with me, fear held me hostage, and anxiety consumed me and somewhere in all of this was the fact I missed my dad and was grieving his loss, but that had to go on the back burner, because I had a small window of opportunity to finish planning his “perfect” funeral for my mom.

I remember so clearly that feeling of helplessness because I lacked the self-confidence to make the important decisions for fear of making a mistake and messing up. This runs my life still today. As it was, I did finish the arrangements, I got mom out of the hospital with two hours to spare before his visiting hours were to begin and I did the “best” job I knew how to do. It all came together and my mom has very few vivid memories of the details for all the medicine she was on at the time. It just means today she cannot find fault with anything I did or did not do.

Other examples in my life where I struggle are writing in my blog because everything I write has to be “perfectly” written. I struggle with being a wife and a mom. I find I must do everything the “right” way or it isn’t done properly. I try to keep my house orderly and as clean and tidy as I can with being so busy. I try to keep the yard neat and presentable because it is an outward reflection of our family. I try to keep up with all the health needs of both my husband and my daughter because this is important to me.

All of this is done with an expectation that is unrealistic for me to maintain because I lack the self-confidence it is all done right, so I just keep trying and trying and when that fails, I try harder. I understand this is seriously faulty thinking, but it was how I grew up and what I learned to believe.

I have been telling myself a lot lately, it is a good thing my mom isn’t around because if she ever saw all the shortcuts I make in my life now, I feel she would be disappointed in me. I have had to learn through the craziness of life that survival is more important to me than perfectionism. I have had to force myself to come to terms with the fact perfectionism is not healthy. No one can possibly live up to the standards I have spent years placing upon myself. I have a long way to go and I am sure if you were to ask my family if I have conquered this they would loudly say, no, but I am determined to bring a sense of self-confidence into my life.

Does any of this sound familiar to you? Do you struggle with deep down and often times hidden emotions that lead you to where you are struggling today?

My friend, I have hope for you. You do not have to live in this bondage any longer. You can choose to change this game and move past it. You can learn a new way of living and be happy with who you have always wanted to become. You can break the chains that have held you captive. 

The first step to making this change is to identify the leading cause for everything you have experienced and identify why you have not allowed yourself the freedom before now to flee from it.

I want to share this quote from my friend, Rachel Marie Martin’s new book, “The Brave Art of Motherhood”. There are many life lessons I have learned by reading this book, but this quote is the one I am going to use for this blog post.

The lesson I have learned through examining my own life is that I have allowed fear to have power over my ability to change what I did not like.

“Fear is a stifling voice of the unknown. It takes self-confidence to muster the courage to unearth the fears holding you back. It takes faith to examine the fears and replace the fallacy of most fears with truth.”  – Rachel Marie Martin 

I have learned fear has stifled my self-confidence and I lacked the faith to break free for the bondage it held me at. I believed all the faulty thinking and believed I had to live this way and accept it even though I did not like it.

My friend, you do not have to do this either. You do not have to allow fear to hold you captive to the things you struggle with. I want you to examine your life and determine if the power of fear is the holding you back from living your life to your fullest? Has it held you back from following your dreams and achieving your goals? If it has, please take the time to first, 

“BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!” 

Secondly, I want you to tell yourself that you will not be controlled by fear any longer and that you will battle those lies you have believed for years and in the end, I want you to believe and have the faith you will rise above it all and stand taller and stronger than anything you have allowed yourself to believe in before. 

Lastly, My Friend, I can not emphasize this concept enough…

“Believe in Yourself!”

*Disclaimer – if you would like to purchase the above sign, it is available for purchase on our HL&E Designs FaceBook Page (via our VIP Group page, to access this group you simply like our HL&E Designs page and request to join our VIP Group) or you can access us via our Instagram Page @HL&E Designs. Links to these pages are available along the sidebar. Click on the link and you will be able to place an order at that time as well as pay for them too. We accept PayPal via hlandedesigns@outlook.com.

 

 

Anxiety, Exhausted, Journey, Life, Update, Weariness

The Rawness of Life

Update

Let The Light Shine Through Your Darkness

I am sorry it has been several days since I last posted. There has been more than “a lot” going on in my family. I have been trying to nurse my dog back to health from his foot surgery. He is doing very well and I received the wonderful news that my baby boy is cancer free. There was nothing detected in the mass that was removed from his paw.

I have also been taking care of my husband who has been sick for over a month. I had him back in the emergency room all night Thursday night. He was finally diagnosed with a different diagnosis from what he has been diagnosed with all month. I held out hope that he would start to feel better until a Saturday night when he felt terrible and I thought we were heading back to the emergency room. Thankfully he did not, but all day yesterday I remained on pins and needles not knowing if we would be going back and as we go into today, I have no assurance we still will not be back. All I can do is pray he does not and his body begins to heal.

If this was not enough, there was worrying about my daughter who has struggled with a two-week migraine. When she went to bed last night she was so happy to be pain-free, that she wanted to enjoy it because when she woke up this morning, there was no guarantee she would remain pain-free. She also struggled with the pain of a sinus infection, which I am happy to report is gone as well. She is still inflamed, but for her, this is normal. We are just relieved to know the infection is gone.

I have been so consumed by all of this going on and the instability of my family’s health, that I lost my ability to provide encouraging and thought-provoking words to share here. I have been seriously struggling with forming any clarity of thought in order to even put any of my words together.

I am praying this week will bring some much-needed stability back into our lives and home and that I will find my clarity of thought to provide you with words of encouragement again.

I am going to leave you with this thought. Are you struggling with a difficult situation as well? It may not look anything like what I am going through, it may be something entirely different, but what matters the most is that you are not “alone” while you experience your difficulty. Please be assured that although I may be preoccupied with my own difficulties, that I am here if you need an ear to talk to. Feel free to leave a comment below and know I will see it. If you wish to keep your comment private, I can honor that wish in my end as well.

Please do not stay trapped in the darkness of your situation. I know from experience how lonely it is to be there. Talk to someone. Release your emotions before they consume you.

Lastly, Remember This Truth…

You are important, you are strong, and you are… enough.
Broken, Burn out, Depression, Discouraged, Exhausted, Hope, Journey, Life, Trials, Weariness

Finding Sunshine Through Rainclouds

water drop

 

I am trying to write down words which are lost. I am trying to flush out the scattered thoughts for the wise and logical thoughts. I am trying to smile when I only want to cry. I am trying to move forward when my body was to seize to a paralyzed state. I am trying to hold everything together when my life seems full of chaos.

What does “real” life look like? What does “normal” look like? What do words look like when you can’t remember how to form them? What do feelings look like when you spend so much of your time running away from them?

I am not writing to seek sympathy or to receive any more words of discouragement. I am not writing to enjoy a pity party. I am just writing to clear my mind of all the scattered thoughts I am harboring, because there is no other outlet to free myself from this bondage.

It is my prayer however, if this can encourage someone (somehow), that God will allow the use of these scattered words and emotions to encourage someone else who may be struggling then I will be happy.

I suspect my ability to form any normal thoughts may not be easy, but if you are ok with my ramblings then we will all be good.

Life has become mad, yet but again. I just do not want to go down this road again. So much so, can I just run away from it all? Can I just leave everything behind, literally, and just escape life so I do not have to worry, plan, fix, and overall do “everything”?

We spend so much of our life just existing that when times of trials roll around there is no strength to lean on to get through the next crisis.

I took July off because I was struggling with encouraging others when I just could not find the words to share with you all. I just needed to feel like I took the month off to regroup and do some soul-searching. Unfortunately, I did not expect that soul-searching was going to be as a result of finding out a friend had taken her own life way to soon.

When you talk to others, which is what I heard when talking to someone, that suicide is such a selfish act. Disclaimer, I am by no means supporting or advocating that suicide is the right thing to do or that by any implication that I am suicidal, but I think before passing judgement on those who choose to do this that maybe we need to walk a day or a week in their lives.

We live a very difficult life. Our money is “always” tight and often times not enough, both my family members struggle with health needs that have them both sick all the time. It is exhausting to hear this day they are sick, this day they are in pain. This day they can not do anything all day because of x, y, or z problem. This day they have a doctor appointment which means in order to advocate for them, you are going to the appointment and you are the one trying to think ahead of the appointment to ask any and all of the questions that need to be addressed.

Then there is the stress of employment as our only bread-winner of our house is one of my sickly family members. What are we going to do if we lose this job? We have already experienced this once as a result of sickness and disability so to think this could happen again is scary. I DO NOT want to ever go through this again, especially right now.

Between the weight of financial problems, medical problems times two and now a dog with medical problems, I just want to run away by any means possible. This is too much to carry for too long. I find myself questioning what if God took me home today. How nice would it be to not live this life any longer? I wonder what was my friend going through that she thought the same thing, but took it even farther and ended her own life to escape the pain, the confusion, the expectations of others, the need to be the “perfect wife”, the need to be the “perfect mother”, and the need to get everything done in a timely and orderly process. I am not sure what she was going through that caused her darkness to consume her life, but I can understand a certain amount of it because I am living a similar darkness. The only difference between her and I is that no matter how discouraged I may be, I have no intentions to ending my life. I am willing to wait for God’s perfect timing.

For anyone who has followed me for any length of time, you will remember back to February of 2017 when my husband experienced a colon surgery and it was a very difficult road to recovery. I had struggled during that time to write because of an ugly darkness that consumed me, well I am back here again.

My husband has been out of work for a week now as a result of the same problem that caused him to have surgery way back when. I am writing tonight because we are back to this same problem he had surgery for. It appears this problem has resurfaced and created a new problem out of an old problem. We found out after spending and entire morning and part of an afternoon at the emergency room this week that he may be pending another surgery in the same area. We are unsure if this occurred because something in fact went wrong with the first surgery or if he was that ugly ten percent of patients who experience this same problem again.

I have not clue for sure what all is going to happen. He has an appointment on August 15th with his previous surgeon to see what all of this means and to determine if a future surgery will be required.

If this happens it will be another surgery, more time off, and most likely more no pay due until he goes back to work. The thought of this just seriously makes me sick to think we have to experience again.

Then there is my precious baby boy who just went to the vet for his yearly check up to discover he has allergies and is most likely allergic to grass as this seems to be what causes him to break out severely. Then as if that was not enough information to receive that day, then there is this mass on the bottom of his back foot and we discover he will need to have surgery to remove it and then have it tested to determine at a 50/50% if it may be cancer. This is scheduled for August 23rd, and if it is cancer we can hopefully isolate it to only his foot so it does not travel.

I love my dog beyond words and do not want to see him struggle with all of this let alone the possibility of fighting cancer. We just do not even have that kind of money let alone if my husband goes offline with his own surgery.

Well, thanks to a negative conversation I just had, I have completely lost my train of thought and my words again. So whether this is a good place to conclude my blog post or not, I will have to end here without a conclusion.

I can not make any promises or guarantees that I will be back to post on a regular basis or not, but just know I have not forgotten about my blog.

If you are struggling with a difficult situation, please know you are not alone. The darkness may have you consumed, but do not give into out of desperation.

This time will pass as everything does eventually, but I understand how difficult it can be to wait it out.

If you wish to release your thoughts on a total stranger, please feel free to leave a comment below. I promise there will never be any judgement held against you.

I can however pray for and try to encourage you through your trial.

Many hugs to the rest of you who are also struggling.

 

 

Broken, Burn out, Challenge, Comfort, Death, Depression, Discouraged, Exhausted, Grief, Hope, Journey, Life, Strength, Suicide, Trials, Weakness, Weariness

The Difficulty of Random Thoughts

img_9150-2This month has been a very busy one because we have been trying to get our home business off the ground and it has been a lot of work. I am hoping to cross the tide between what needs to be done, what has to be done, and what comes next.

We have thankfully got to a point where Kiddo is down to only one or two doctor appointments a week instead of three to five. This is a huge blessing and one I am thankful to have at this moment.

We have managed to get Kiddo enrolled into college full time to include an approval for financial aid via a Pell Grant and I am beyond excited for this.

However, this week has been an emotionally challenging one. I found myself trying to process the unexpected loss of a friend who was an encourager to me. She would post encouraging and thought-provoking quotes and images that would encourage people like me when we would need it the most. Unfortunately, last Sunday night her darkness and depression won a battle and she took her own life.

This has left me totally questioning the fragility of life. It has left me facing many of my own personal questions like how to battle my own darkness of stress, constant busyness, discouragement, frustration, and depression.

I have been pondering how to write about this as I try to process all the confusion and rawness of this delicate subject. Yesterday, her family with their friends and community celebrated her life in such a beautiful manner.

It is my prayer through her death that her ability to help and encourage others will continue. It is my prayer as a result, we can shed some light on the ugly monster called suicide.

I am not trying to be full of doom and gloom, but I have been lost in not writing this past month. Writing helps me to process mentally and emotionally, so as I continue to process what has happened this week, I will be writing more about this difficult subject.

It is my prayerful desire God will allow this devastating loss of my sweet friend to shed some light on this ugly topic and if her life and death would save even just one person, then her precious memory can be blessed as well.

Experiencing a heavy loss and sadness can produce positive results if in the right timing and in the right place. It is my desire as I write in the days ahead and you are struggling in this same area, reach out for help. Talk to someone. Do not let your darkness consume you to the point of taking your own life.

If you need help and you have no one to talk to, call the National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-8255. If you live Internationally click on the World National Suicide Hotline to find your country and call them for help.

Do NOT allow your darkness to take your life away.

Your life matters. You matter!!! Many people love you, more than you will ever know!! Live for yourself, live for them.