#Findingyourcourage, #Keepingitreal, #Stepsforward, Challenge, Courage, encouragement, Goals, Grace, Inspiration, Journey, Keeping It Real, Life, Peace, Real, Strength

Functionality Reigns in The Chaos

Do you have a to do list that is so long you do not know where to begin?

If you do then you are not alone.

I have taken this week, that we didn’t have any doctor appointments, to find order in my chaos and peace in my frustrations.

I found by making my home functional that this brought me peace this week.

I came to a realization in my attempt to find “me” that the biggest waster of my time is chaos.

I found if I can reign in the chaos monster and better use my time on stuff that matters and is important, then I am in better control over my stress.

And let’s face it… (nothing against dads here at all as we all love our husbands (most days), but when mom is stressed, the whole house is usually.)

Ladies and gentlemen, we need to find where our source of stress is and we need to learn how to tame it better.

So in my new found revelation this week, you will begin to see me post more practical every day tips to help us be better stewards of our time while encouraging and motivating each other along the way.

Are you game for this inspiration?

If so, feel free to leave a comment or a symbol below in the comments and together we will learn to tame the chaos in our lives, one step, one chore, and one day at a time.

#Keepingitreal, #Stepsforward, Believe in Yourself, Encouragement Today, Gratitude, Inspiration, Journey, Keeping It Real, Kindness, Life, Rawness, Real, Self-worth, Strength, Thankfulness

The Power of Love, One Stitch at A Time

You Are Touching Lives

My friend, do you ever feel like you are alone, just walking through life in the shadows of those around you?

Do you look at people and find yourself envious because they have friends and relationships and you do not?

Do you struggle believing you do not have them because you are not friendly enough or outgoing enough? You are not happy enough or have enough “things” to offer? You do not have enough money (as if that buys friendships and relationships)? You believe you are not loving, gentle, kind, humble, or empathetic enough?

My friend, I am here to remind you today those are lies the enemy tells you. I have felt them, all of them. Who am I kidding? If I am going to write a blog about being honest and sharing the real and raw feelings of life, then I need to admit I still feel this way. I am like you; I listen to the lies the enemy tells me. I listen to when he tells me…


I am a nobody.
• I am ugly.
• I am fat (ok… that might be an over exaggeration… more like squishy as my daughter told me when she was a tiny tot.)
• I am a failure.
• I am inadequate.
• I am lazy (because I don’t work outside of our home).
• I am worthless.
• I am “just a mom” (as if this is a bad thing, which I know in my heart it is not).

Oh, my friend, that word “just” has way too much power. No one is “just” at anything. No matter what you do or who you are, never let that word “just” define you. You ARE the BEST of what you do or who you are.

You ARE THE BEST…
• Husband
• Wife
• Dad
• Mom
• Doctor
• Nurse
• Lawyer
• Writer
• Police Officer
• Teacher
• Waitress
• Landscaper
• Janitor

This list is endless. The point I am trying to make is that no matter who you are or what you do, you are important! Your life matters and you matter to others even if you do not know it.

The enemy does not want you to see your value or your worth. He wants to keep you in a state of being unbalanced because this keeps you weak and dependent upon him instead of allowing you the time to focus on your Heavenly Father, who created you perfectly.

God wants me to show you that you are valuable and important. He wants you to see that you do matter to others (even when you do not feel it or see it).

My friend, I am writing today to show how much I struggle with the same struggles you do. I feel the same loneliness and the same inadequacies as you, but God has been working on my heart over the past few months. He keeps showing me the darkness I have lived for almost ten years is not the darkness I have to stay in.

I want to remind you today, both you and I are important to others even if we do not know it. Every person you encounter leaves a mark on their heart. Some people you may invest in a relationship with and some people you may never see again, but with every action, deed, or act of kindness you share, it leaves a seed planted on the heart of every person you met.

I have a sweet friend who became a friend because she was initially the stranger who lived next door. She was a stranger who I would see coming and going from our homes and one day those coming and goings forged a friendship that went beyond the simple gesture of a wave or head nod and greeting of the day.

Over time our friendship grew, and our simple respectful gestures became more about how to help each other. Her sweet husband would help me edge my yard so it would look beautiful from week to week. They helped me clean up my back yard from a hurricane, which I left for because my husband was deployed to Iraq and my daughter was only five years old. When I left it was a destructive category five hurricane with a direct impact for where we lived. I had to keep my daughter and pets safe, so we went inland and stayed with another sweet friend until the storm passed.

One of my hardest deployment stories that sealed our friendship was the day I sat in my driveway with my car loaded with everything of possible value (both physical and sentimental) and I looked at my house with tears falling down my cheeks believing I would never see it ever again. I was leaving everything we had worked hard for behind to be destroyed by a strong category five hurricane and when I came home again, I would have to dig through the pieces of our life to find what was left.

So, as I sat in my driveway I prayed over our home. I prayed for God to protect it. I prayed for God to keep the roof on it to protect the contents inside. I prayed for God to spare every shingle on the roof and the siding on every wall to include even the shutters on my windows. God tells us to ask for even the smallest of details, so I took him literal. I did just this.

After I felt I had done all I could do and prayed all I could pray, I drove out of my driveway to leave our world behind in order to protect our lives. I even left my neighbors, who were not evacuating, behind and even prayed for their safety as well.

It was with a tear-soaked face and a heavy heart that we drove out of our neighborhood and headed inland to a safer place with a dear friend whose husband was also deployed with mine in Iraq.

The storm came and left and God weakened the storm to a strong category one and a weak category two by the time it arrived. My house stood firm and whole. God honored my prayer and kept my home safe. Not one shingle, not one piece of siding, not one gutter, nor one shutter was torn from my house. It remained strong and firm, just as I had left it.

However, my backyard, which I forgot to pray about, was a different story. My backyard was a war zone. The backyard where my daughter played all the time was something that could not be recognized. I lost trees and crazy amounts of tree limbs and pine straw was thrown over every inch.

I tell you this story because it was a simple gesture of love and kindness that sealed my friendship with my sweet neighbor next door. They had the same mess in their yard as I did, but they tirelessly worked to clean up my yard so when I came home my daughter would not be traumatized by her back yard and that she would feel safe to play back there in the future.

They shared pictures with me while I was gone and knew there was no way I could come home to that destruction. They worked tirelessly for a couple of days to get my yard to something I could manage when I came home. They cut up the trees and took the pieces to the curb for me. They bagged and bagged up debris to get it out of my yard and put it all to the curb so when I came home, the hardest part of what I would have to do was done.


My friends, their random act of kindness to help “me”, just little ole’ me, their neighbor next door who we liked and became friends with, went above and beyond what I would have ever dreamed they would do for me.

Tell me your life doesn’t matter. Tell me you do not make a difference. Tell me your life does not impact others. I will tell you no… it does matter. You do make a difference. You are touching the lives of others.

You may not always see it, but in time God will reveal to you the lives you will touch.

I am writing today to share just when you think you are not making the difference in people, you are. You are touching the lives of everyone around you.

I have had a couple instances in the past couple of weeks now where God revealed to me that I am touching lives and I never knew it.

I shared a picture above of a beautiful handmade quilt and matching bag that was made especially for me by the sweet friend whom I spoke about who cleaned my yard from the hurricane. She is no longer my neighbor next door because they moved away, but our friendship has not diminish.

I did not expect to receive this beautiful quilt and bag and even part of me said, “why me?” What did I do to deserve this special gift for absolutely no reason? Why would someone pour their heart and soul into making such a beautiful gift for me?

My friend, this beautiful gesture was done because of a life I touched over the years even though I never knew it. Just because you do not see the lives you are touching does not mean they are not being touched. Be yourself. Do not try to be someone you are not, but more importantly, do not believe the negative lies the enemy tells you. Turn your eyes upward and allow God to show you what to do and what to believe. That is where your truth will lay.

Today, I will close by encouraging you to reach out to someone and share a random act of kindness with them. It will touch their lives and their heart forever.

#Keepingitreal, Friendship, Image, Journey, Keeping It Real, Life, Thankfulness

Unconditional Love Is Priceless

I struggle to share my private life and I know this post is going to seem a bit weird to some who do not understand the depth in which you can love your pets, but this dog is my world.

This is my doggo, Shadow (the one with floppy ears). If you follow me on Instagram then you know how much he means to me, but to those who do not, you will quickly learn, he is my life.

We adopted this gentle guy when he was only seven months old because our sweet family friend was unexpectedly transferred to a new duty station and had been informed by the U.S. Navy that she could only take one of her sweet babies with her.

She had to make an extremely difficult decision and had to find this precious baby boy a new home. We already knew the boys because they lived across the street and so she asked my family if we would consider adopting this baby boy and give him a good home for her. She entrusted us with her most precious baby whom we agreed to adopt.

I made her a promise when we agreed to adopt Shadow that we would take the best care of him as we knew how. It didn’t take him any time to melt the hearts of our family and become one of us. As a result of his adoption, it enabled his Mommy Sarah and brother, Baby Bear, to remain in his life.

This was a win win situation. His mommy Sarah has the pleasure of seeing him as often as she comes to town while we share pictures and videos with her often. This allows her the unique opportunity to remain in his life.

Friends, if you have a special dog in your life then you will understand this statement,

Shadow is my sunshine on cloudy day.

We originally thought we would train him to be a service dog for my husband who struggles with the effects of PTSD, but it did not take long to see Shadow had a different plan.

Shadow quickly became “my” side kick. He goes on walks with me. He waits on me at every chance he gets. If I go out of sight, I know he is always there and exited to see me come back. He even loves to go for car rides every chance he gets.

He loves the rest of the family, but him and I have a unique relationship. He is truly my life (outside of my human family and friends).

“Shadow Puppy” is the bestest buddy any human could have or wish for. He has truly changed my life. He filled a void I did not realize I had.

If you have a dog in your life who has done this for you, then you understand what I mean when I say,

I truly love my dog!

He is the bestest doggo friend I could have ever wish for.

He is my life in dog form.

My friend, if you have a special pet in your life, give them an extra hug as well as an extra treat today. They earned it through their unconditional for you.

#Findingyourcourage, #Keepingitreal, #Stepsforward, Believe in Yourself, Bible, Challenge, Comfort, Courage, encouragement, Faith, Image, Inspiration, Journey, Life, Peace, Self-worth, Strength

You Are Never In Total Darkness

Do You Struggle With The Power of Darkness

I am feeling God has a few of His own who are in need of some encouragement today.

  • Are you struggling with finding your self worth and identity because somehow over the years and the busyness of life you have lost who you are? Know, you are not alone.
  • Are you struggling in a difficult relationship? Do you struggle with a battle within you to know if you stay and fight for your marriage or is it time to walk away? Know, you are not alone.
  • Are you fighting with health needs? Are you in pain all the time? Are you frustrated with fighting with the doctors or insurance companies to get them to listen to you, to hear you, and to help you? Know, you are not alone.
  • Are you in a season of struggling with your child/ren to get them to listen to you. Do you feel like they are distancing themselves from you and your family? Are you frustrated and discouraged? My friend, do not walk away from this struggle. Keep pray, keep loving, and keep reaching out to them. They need you, even though they may not feel as though they do. Fight for your child! Remain their safe place. Know, you are not alone.
  • Are you a new parent who is fighting sleep deprivation and as a result feel the weight of darkness all around, but you do not tell anyone as this is suppose to be one of your happiest times in your life, as you hold the love of your life in your arms? Know, you are not alone.

My friend, God gave me this verse for you, who are in pain today.

“Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”” John 8:12 NKJV

No matter how dark life might seem, please know there is a light that is wrapped around you. This light is so you will never remain in total darkness. It is God’s light which surrounds you and has you consumed because one day you believed in Him.

Allow that light to shine on your darkness while you use it to light the way out of this dark time. Follow it until you find the peace and comfort you need to not feel alone.

My friend, reach out to those who are closest to you. Allow them to help you, pray for you, and encourage you.

If you feel they are not enough and you would rather reach out to someone who doesn’t know you, feel free to leave a comment below. I am here to lift you up in prayer.

My hope God uses today’s encouragement to touch your heart and to remind you, you are not alone.
#Keepingitreal, Bible, Chronic Migraines, Exhausted, Grace, Inspiration, Journal Journey, Journey, Keeping It Real, Life, Medical Journey, Migraine, pain, Rawness, Real, Weariness

No Matter The Pain, You Are Beautifully Made

Journaling Journey

Do you continue to worry over your kids? As parents, I am unsure how you do not. It seems to be bred into us as soon as they are born.

Today has been one of those days where I struggled with worrying over my Kiddo. It does not matter how old they become, when they are sick we worry over them. When they are hurt, we worry over them. When they are fearful, we worry over them. It does not matter what the circumstances are, their lives will always be intertwined in ours.

My daughter woke up with her head hurting badly. She had a migraine brewing, but what her migraine didn’t know was that she didn’t have the time for it today.

She is desperately trying to cram the final week and half of work from her classes in it in order to complete the semester in college.

I was worried for her because I could tell in her face and in her eyes how bad this one was. I prayed over her head as well as sought prayer from some faithful prayer warriors that this bad migraine did not turn into a mega migraine while she was at work.

I am so happy to announce the prayers worked. She still has her migraine, but it did not get any worse and for this, we are thankful.

Now as I write, we are patiently waiting for her weekly IgG infusion to finish. Every Friday night she has to do this two hour regiment. We should be getting use to it, but I have a confession to make. It isn’t any easier. By the time she gets home from work, pre-medicates and finishes from start to finish it takes two hours which if you do not get it started until later then you are pushing 11 pm to 1am before it is finished. We know this from several weeks of experience.

This my friend, this is rough for this tired mom, but I refuse to go to bed while she infuses as it is not in me to abandon her on this weekly treatment. So no matter how late it becomes, Shadow and I will stay up with her because we are in this journey with her.

Tonight she decided was good night for me to learn how to actually set up the entire process minus inserting the four needles into her legs, just in case something went wrong or she was sick and I would need to know how to do this for her. I agreed it was a good idea, but I just really did not want to learn how tonight, I know, pretty selfish of me, but I did give in to learn how anyway.

Now the worrying side of being a mom is praying her side effects will be minimum so she can get a ton of studying done tomorrow. We really need for her body to cooperate and not crash on her yet.

Do any of your struggle with a similar battle where you worry over your kids and just want what is best for them, but can not do anything beyond pray over them? Even though this is the best thing we can do for our kids, somehow, if we are honest with ourselves, it does not seem like it is enough.

I wish my daughter could live a “normal” healthy life like those of her peers, but God has a different purpose for her. We are unsure what that looks like, but with all the physical struggling she does, the grace in which she does it is a testament to the strength she has to endure all she endures.

My friend, if you or a loved one is in a similar situation, please leave a comment below and I will be praying for you to get through as gracefully as my daughter does. You have an understanding friend here so you know you are no longer alone during this journey.

I hope everyone has a good night and that you get the rest your mind and body needs. If you feel inclined to join me in praying for my daughter, this would be wonderful and appreciated.

Lastly, if you are struggling to see your beauty for all the pain and sickness you experience,

“I want to remind you God fearfully and wonderfully made you.” Ps 139:14 (NIV).

Please remember, In His eyes you are perfect despite how badly you may feel.

Chronic Migraines, Courage, encouragement, Hope, Inspiration, Journal Journey, Journey, Keeping It Real, Life, Medical Journey, pain, Parenting, Rawness, Real, Rest, Strength

The Battle of Courage

Journaling Journey

It is Friday night again and we are sitting here together as Kiddo does another week of IgG Infusions.

This is not the best way for her to spend her Friday night, as most college students her age are out having fun, but doing it tonight is proving to be so much better for her.

By doing this on Friday night she is able to go to bed and sleep off the side effects that she was was trying to work (literally through) before she changed to Friday night. She is also able to rest her body tomorrow as she struggles through the remaining side effects.

She is amazingly strong and courageous. Every time she does this, she amazes me at the strength she has to sit there and inject 4 separate needles into her legs and then sit there for an hour or more while she waits for the infusion to finish.

For all she battles with her body on a daily basis, it breaks my heart to watch her, but I also find a sense of pride to call her my daughter because I know she has dig deep down inside to do something that the rest of us take for granted every day.

Her road ahead looks a bit dark as we struggle to figure out what it is going to take to give her her life back, but thankfully after four long hard years of struggling already and battling for the fights we have won and battling the fights we have lost, we are closer now to finding this solution than she has ever been in the years back.

It is my prayer that the journey she is on with the new medicines and treatments that there will be an end to this battle she battles within her body.

I was going to get ready to close until she just read me this amazingly fitting bible verse which I will share with you as well,

God is with her, she will not fall. Ps 46:5

God, you are amazing with your timing.

I was not going to write tonight as I often feel like what I write is not important and would not affect anyone else, but with closing with this verse and knowing Kiddo has no idea what I am doing, I know I was meant to write this tonight.

If you are battling a battle that is one you never dreamt you would battle, know you are not alone.

God has your back just as He has my daughter’s. He is with you, My Friend!

Find peace and comfort in this tonight.

Now I am going to close as I am sure Kiddos infusion should be close to being finished.

My friend, rest tonight. Allow God to take the burdens of the week away from you and sleep in the protection of His arms tonight.

Journal Journey, Journey, Life, Rawness, Update

Is It Monday, Again?

Journaling Journey

Random Thoughts of Monday

It is Monday again and not just an ordinary Monday, but the one following Thanksgiving. I find myself left with the question of, “already?” It does not seem possible the Holidays are back again already. 

I lost track of time in writing from the last time I wrote because I did, in fact, paint the trim in my freshly painted house. 

Despite the post I wrote a time or two back, I knew it needed to be done despite any resistance that I could have been met with, but in the end, painting the trim was thankfully met with appreciation instead.  It truly freshened up the look of our house and helped to transform our house back into a home again.  

My daughter is completely happy with the updated look and this makes me happy. I know she is older, but I want our home to always be a place of comfort, safety, and love.

In all of this downtime between the last time I wrote and today, I pulled off getting my house updated and fresh again. We celebrated my daughter’s twenty-first birthday, celebrated Thanksgiving, and I transformed our home into a Christmas Wonderland for another year. 

When I decorate our house this means our living room, dining room, kitchen, and family room. Every room takes on a Christmas look in some fashion or another.  

It took me several days of decorating so I started the day before Thanksgiving because I love having our dining room decorated for our Thanksgiving meal. We have a Soldier Christmas Tree in that room. We first decorated that tree eight years ago when my husband was deployed and I wanted a special tree to serve as a visual reminder of all of our Soldiers who would not be home for the holidays. We have dark brown Christmas ornaments on that tree to serve as a reminder of them being in Iraq that year. 

I keep this tradition alive even today because although my husband is no longer a Soldier in the Army, there are many other Service members who are not home for the Holidays because they are away Serving our Country. 

I decorate our family room in blue lights because we still, to this day, use a four-foot tabletop tree we used in our apartment foyer when we lived in Germany. We bring those decorations out every year to serve as a reminder of the first few years we were married and stationed so far away from home. 

As for the rest of the house, it is game on for tradition. The kitchen is decorated with a simplistic look and our living room is decorated with a traditional Christmas look mixed in with a little bit of European. We have our large family tree in the living room and it is decorated with all our special ornaments. Lastly, I bring out our German Nutcrackers and spread them throughout the room which completes the decorated space.

This year I had an agenda to get my decorating done by this past weekend. I needed it done so I could get back into focusing on life again.

What I have failed to mention is that my Kiddo is sick again. She picked up a cold a couple of weeks ago and we thought she was going to be able to fight it, but just when we let our guard down because she was feeling better, it came back with a vengeance.

Now she is really sick and unfortunately, it is with everything she does not have the immunity to fight on her own. I took her to the doctor and she was diagnosed with strep throat, pink eye, laryngitis, and inflamed sinuses.

He decided with everything she had to give her an antibiotic to prevent this from getting worse, but here we are and it is Monday, and she feels even worse. The only thing that is better is her pink eye. 

So now I sit here writing and waiting for the doctor’s office to call me back with some direction in what to do with all of this. 

This is why I needed our Christmas decorations up so when sickness consumed our time again, I would have the creature comforts of home for the holidays done and not have the stress of decorating hanging over my heard adding even more stress to my plate. 

Not many people understand what our life entails with sickness always being at the forefront of our life, but it, unfortunately, is our reality. 

There are so many days that I live in frustration, such as today. I do not know what to do to make my daughter feel better. I know she needs to get her lessons in college done as the semester is going to come to a close quickly. She needs to get back to campus to enroll in the next semester’s worth of classes, which she was going to do this week, but with this crud hanging over her head and her not feeling good and not able to talk yet, I do not know if she will get there this week or not. 

This is the unpredictability of our life. It is a hard way to live and one I get so frustrated with living with. Between this poor kid’s migraines and immune deficiency running her life, everything we do is just put on hold. 

She does not have control over any of this and I know this. I try to be as supportive as I know how to be. It just breaks my heart to see her struggling so much. 

I had a picture pop up on my computer from a few years ago and I find myself missing those days so much. I find when I look at pictures of her now I can see in her face and in her eyes when her health took the turn it did. I do not know what God’s purpose in any of this is or how long she will have to struggle and suffer, but it is my constant prayer, He will bless her in a mighty way for all of it. 

In closing, I want you to know I am still here and it is my Christmas hope and prayer to be able to encourage you as we travel into this Christmas Season. 

This blog post took me all day to write as I wrote it in increments, but I am going to still post it even though it is the end of the day. It is just symbolic of how my day flow. Some days go smoothly and some are just getting through one interruption after another. You can clearly tell what kind of day today was for me.

I hope you had a good Monday. I hope it was one of productivity. It is my prayer for you that your week will go smoothly and you will accomplish many things.

Have a great week!

encouragement, Journey, Life, Strength, Thankfulness

Thank You, Parents, For Being Present

This is a special note to all of our great parents.

baby sitting on man s shoulder
Photo by Maria Lindsey on Pexels.com

Thank you for sharing the love of a parent with your child.

Thank you for walking hand in hand with your child.

Thank you for going to all the football, baseball, soccer, field hockey, volleyball ball games and so many more.

Thank you for dressing up in the silly and fun costumes as well as going to harvest festivals.

baby touching woman s face
Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

Thank you for sacrificing all the hours you spend at the park.

Thank you for all the smiles and the time you take to listen to their day’s events.

Thank you for all the play dates you have planned.

Thank you for all the birthday parties you have planned.

Thank you for the hours of homework you have invested in.

Thank you for all the books you have read.

Thank you for all then unexpected trips to the Target, Walmart, or craft stores for the unexpected projects that need to be turned in the next day.

grayscale photo of baby feet with father and mother hands in heart signs
Photo by Andreas Wohlfahrt on Pexels.com

Thank you for drying the tears running down your child’s face.

Thank you for the hours of playing pretend with your child.

Thank you for playing play dough for countless hours with your children.

Thank you for all the meals you make whether they be a nutritious and wholesome meal or it is your child’s favorite of mac and cheese (because it is their favorite).

Thank you for the hours you may have spent at the doctors’ office or the emergency room.

Thank you for being you, the loving and engaged parent.

Broken, Exhausted, Journey, Life, Medical Journey, Rawness, Weariness

The Pain of A Mother’s Heart

img_0206
I am clinging to this hope and believe it with all my heart. 

Tonight, I am writing from the perspective of a  broken down and worn out heart of a mom who has to watch her child suffer in one of the most agonizing ways imaginable. She lives life as a Chronic Migraine Sufferer.

I needed to ponder my thoughts tonight in order to close them out and be done with them.

It has been a whirlwind of events for quite some time in our household. The number of doctor appointments we have been going to in my household has been crazy.

My husband has been down between sickness and a back injury since July which produced countless doctor appointments for him.

Then there is my daughter who has chronic migraines, chronic sinus issues (inflamed and often times infected), an immune deficiency, which has been identified in the past few weeks as getting worse, and out of control allergies. So she has a lot of doctor appointments on her own. But when you add my husband being sick and injured on top of her, this means life became chaotic.

This whirlwind of events got worse when Kiddo went into a migraine cycle which became worse as a result of Hurricane Florence. She has been in pain since way back then, but was able to push through it by living minute by minute and taking medicine to keep it from becoming a mega migraine which she is not able to fix at her level.

The struggle for her is daily, but something went wrong on Friday. She lost the battle and her migraine blew up in a two-hour window into a mega migraine. In the morning we went to her migraine specialist for his nurse to teach her how to self-inject the new migraine medicine known as Aimoveg. By the time we got home, her head just exploded in a massive pain and so we headed off to our local Urgent Care with the hopes they could make this pain better and bearable again.

Unfortunately, this experience did not go well. The doctor there was less than compassionate or understanding. This was not what she wanted to experience. She wanted him to simply help her to get the pain back under control (I did not make a mistake there, for her, she is used to pain, she knows her pain will not go away, but wanted it to become managed again). Her doctor, however, did not understand her situation. Instead, he made her/us feel like she was a druggy looking for a drug fix.

I am here to tell you, this momma was not a very happy one, and realized quickly that if my daughter was going to get any help I had to fight, yet but again, for her health care.

He did eventually agree to help her after denying her help three times (yes, this is not a misprint, he denied her help three times before agreeing to offer her an attempt at a treatment plan).

As it was, her treatment plan was a different one than what she normally receives, but we were not willing to advise him what works as that would only give him more of a reason to not believe her.

So with one Kiddo in mega massive pain, she gives up the fight and lays down on the exam table and the nurse comes in to place an IV in her arm to administer her the  “concoction” as the doctor called it, with the hopes pain relief would be in sight.

My poor child lays there waiting for the pain medicine to work and the nurse comes back to check on her pain number. She went from a ten (because he does not believe pain can be worse than that), to a nine. I am still remaining hopeful this is going to work even though she has never had it before. So a little time passes and the nurse comes back and she is at a nine. Now I am getting a little concerned because some pain relief should be happening now. By now about 30 minutes have passed and the doctor comes in the exam room to check on her and asks if she has relief and she says no, her pain level is still at a nine.

Now I am getting really concerned and I am beginning to think we would be at the Emergency Room next. The nurse returns back after some time to change her IV bag and I expressed my concern to her and she agreed if we can not get the poor child some relief I would need to take her to the Emergency Room after leaving there.

Eventually, the doctor returns and asks if she has had this one particular medicine before and I said no, but that my husband has for his migraines. So he has the nurse give her the shot.

By now I am doing a whole lot of praying this will work and my child gets relief. After about ten minutes I ask her does she have any relief and she says that beautiful word, “yes”. She is now at an eight. I had never been so happy to hear that wonderful number as I was at that moment. This might actually be working finally.

After about five more minutes the nurse comes back and checks on her and she is down to a seven now. I was beginning to feel some relief now. Seven means we should be able to go home without needing to go to an Emergency Room next. By the time the doctor comes back, she is down to a six pain level. This made him happy and was ready to release her when she felt she was ready to leave.

We stayed maybe another half hour passed his we can go home time because we were not leaving until she knew she could to make the drive home.

I tell you this story because you needed to see why this was so stressful. My poor Kiddo suffered severely on Friday and to have a doctor not believe her was infuriating.

We did eventually leave and come home, but her pain level did not stay down. By the time 7:00 PM came around her pain level was spiking and that fear I had earlier began to return. By an hour later she was back up to an eight and it was only getting worse. How much worse could this become? I need to come up with a plan and it needs to be one that will work and work effectively.

I had to rely on my mom intuition which is really scary to do when you are not a doctor and this is over your head. Well, it all came together. I came up with a plan, one we have done in the past, so although it made me nervous for all the medicine she had consumed that day, we had to use it.

I told her my plan and she was okay with it. By the time I left her bedroom with the hopes and prayers her pain would come down and she would go to sleep, her pain level was back up to a ten.

I was so nervous. I slept with one ear always listening for her to make a noise or if she were to need me.

She said about 2:00AM she finally began to get pain relief again. My plan thankfully worked.

By the time she got up Saturday morning, she had her pain managed again. She also had two more doses of her migraine cycle breaker consumed. Thankfully with the help of her own migraine medicine, she was able to keep her pain managed as well as rested all day Saturday.

We were both relieved to be back at this level again and relieved to know we did not have to take her to the Emergency Room.

Today, as we get ready to close out the day and finish the weekend, I am beyond relieved to know she is pain-free, which she does not experience very often. It appears her migraine cycle breaker is working finally.

Now if she can keep her stress of being behind in her college classes under control and her professors will be compassionate and understanding, then she should be able to get a lot of work done and get caught back up again without carrying the stress of being behind on her shoulders.

As I tell this story, the feeling which is still raw all came rushing back. It has been an extremely stressful weekend, and I am hoping by writing about it, I will be able to release the pain and heartache and move past this traumatic event.

It is also my hope and prayer if you live a similar life that you know you are not alone. We know your pain and your fears. We know the frustrations and the concerns.

Life is hard, but to know you are not alone, makes it all a little more bearable.

If you have experienced a similar circumstance, feel free to leave a comment below and tell me about what happened to you.

Discouraged, Journey, Rawness

What Do You Say…

boardwalk amidst trees in forestWhat do you say when your words are few?

What do you say when your words are inadequate?

What do you say when your words are lost?

What do you say…

My friend, you don’t. You pray! 

If you find yourself in a position where no matter how confused your words may be, or no matter how scattered they may be thrown, know this is the time you do not need to speak.

Just stop… just pray.

It is okay to have a period of silence for in that silence, you can hear God more clearly.

Life does not always need the words to be spoken, they just need to be felt.

Stop, be quiet, listen, and take this time to pray.

Let God do the rest.