#Findingyourcourage, #Stepsforward, Believe in Yourself, Challenge, Courage, Encouragement Today, Inspiration, Journey, Life, Motivation, Peace, Strength

Draw Close To What Inspires and Motivates You

I am here to encourage you today to do something that is inspirational, motivational, and makes you happy.

I challenge you to find a time to allow peace and harmony in your life today. At some point to allow yourself to breathe and find a place of rest. Even if it nothing more than taking a quick break at work. Take a quick walk. Listen to your favorite song or music. Try a few breathing techniques. It doesn’t matter what you do so long as you take the time to find that place of peace and harmony you need to get you through the day.

Dream big and reach for what motivates you. Consider that job promotion that would have scared you before. Consider that class you have always wanted to take, or simply reach for the stars. Dream bigger than what you believe is possible as that is where God will reach you and give you the strength to achieve them.

Lastly, have the courage to conquer your fears. Place your faith over your fear and reach for what allows you to grow spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. You will never regret what you strive for. You will only regret what you do not reach for.

Have a wonderful day!!

Anxiety, Brave Art of Motherhood, Broken, Burn out, Discouraged, Exhausted, Journey, Life, Rawness, Stress, Trials

Changes Are Powerful

Revealing All Sides of Them

woman looking at sea while sitting on beach

I am popping in to say I am still here. Last week ended up crazy busy because Kiddo stayed well enough for me to in fact paint the inside of my house while my husband was gone. I am so happy I did because I have a “real” confession to make, my house was filthy.

When I began to tear it apart to get into the crevasses and corners you do not see on a regular basis, I began to see stuff that made me cringe. It truly broke my heart because Kiddo is highly allergic to this kind of dust. It makes me wonder how much our own home was contributing to her sickness?

Well, it is clean, updated, and fresh again. As we were making these changes we were both excited because we like change. Change breathes life into whatever it is you are changing. It to us is not a bad thing because we love it, however, to my husband he was not impressed when he came home to my freshness and change.

He hates change, but I was to be able to paint and make over rooms in my house in the past. I suspected he was not happy this time though because when he came home from being away his silence was deafening. I was not able to get everything I wanted to be done because he was not gone long enough, so he did not see what I have envisioned yet. I was not able to get the trim painted or put up the special signs I am going to make. At this point, I have decided to wait on painting the trim as I think this will truly be too much change. He needs to sit on these changes for a while.

I have an immense “raw and real” confession to make, this rejection hurt me to my core. I do everything I do to keep our home running efficiently while both he and my daughter spend more time sick than they do well. I run them to their countless doctor appointments so I can stay on top of their health issues and so for me to do this because it made me feel good was beyond disheartening.

I got extremely upset Saturday night and had a complete meltdown. I was yelling and screaming (not my finest moment or one I am proud of), but it was because I was tired of hiding my hurt and exhaustion any longer. I was tired of hiding behind my mask that says it is okay you hurt me again. Unfortunately, I crushed my sweet daughter in my rant because it started with her and I arguing with each other over my not willing to go to Washington DC for Veteran’s Day, but that was not even what had me upset. I was upset with her dad and his stubbornness to see these changes were important to me and that I needed this for me to find my happy place again. She didn’t know this. She only saw my emotions boiling out of control to the point they erupted like an out of control volcano.

I told you this to share my deepest and real feelings which I hide from behind my mask, the mask that says I have it all together when in full disclosure, I have nothing together. As my husband told me the other night in my fit of anger and yes rage at one point, I have become psychotic and I need help. This is only his perspective. I, however, stand on the truth of my own emotions. Unstable is the least of my problems. I am however over-worked, over-burdened from carrying the load for both of us for so long. I am exhausted both mentally and physically and depressed for the lifestyle we are living in now and will continue to live for him to be happy here. What he does not realize, understand or see, is that if I was as unstable as he believes me to be, I could not continue to carry the unbearably heavy load I carry to ensure he has a happy life while he struggles with the burdens of dealing with his own PTSD.

I am not sure how it has happened but since 2012 I have tap danced around my husband’s war triggered PTSD and anger. I have walked on cartons worth of eggshells to keep him happy. We stopped doing things we enjoyed as a family. We stopped attending events that were crowded because that was an anxiety trigger for him. Now both my Kiddo and I have found (as of this weekend that crowds make us both nervous and uncomfortable). I knew change upsets him so I make few “big” changes so he will not get upset, but my friends as I have found years later, giving in to all of this is not healthy for you as an individual. Your attempt to help them all the time is actually enabling what will become bad behavior and behavior that can, in turn, cost you everything. Everything meaning your happiness, your identity, and your life. 

Be careful how much of you, you give away to others. I have done some serious soul-searching over the past couple of days as I was on a personal quest to make changes within myself to find “me” to be truly happy again. Now I find myself at a crossroads because if my husband hates change to the point of me writing my deepest and rawest heart out here, then I have a much bigger problem of making changes within my own heart. He is not going to like the personal changes I make within myself because he will feel the effects of some of those changes.

So this is the question I am left with … do I continue my journey of self-discovery at the cost of everything, that meaning my marriage of almost 25 years and my family? How much is my need for change worth to me?  

Please forgive me as this post is deeply personal and I am writing from my rawest moment this morning. I am at this moment of pondering this simple quote written by Rachel Marie Martin in her book, The Brave Art of Motherhood,

“Be brave,” says my spirit. 

“Wait,” says fear.

“Have courage,” says my soul. 

“Not yet,” says worry.

“Dare,” says my heart. 

– Rachel Marie Martin 

The Brave Art of Motherhood

Where does this journey take me? Where does God want me to be in five years? How do I regain stability in my life again? All of these are questions I have and still need answers to. As I continue to find my way in life, I will continue to write about them as it is my deepest desire that if my heartache can help someone else to know they are not battling their own battles alone, then all of this pain will be worth it in the end.

 

 

 

Blessings, Challenge, Discouraged, Encouragement Today, Gratitude, Journey, Life, Peace, Weakness

Gratitude Can Change Rain Clouds Into Rainbows

Encouragement Today

design-130Today’s inspiration is focused on the power of gratitude.

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” —Robert Brault

There is power and strength in the gesture of gratitude because it has the ability to turn rain clouds into rainbows and tiny blessing into mountains.

No matter how difficult life may be or even seem, do not get lost in the difficulty of the trial. Try to look for the positive in your situation and find something you can be grateful for because when you do it will help to change your trial into a blessing.

I personally know this is not always easy to do, but if you could retrain your mind to do it (even if you start small), you will find life just a little bit easier. My friend, one step at a time. One moment of thankfulness at a time. Even for this, you will be thankful you did.

Your challenge today is to look at life through the eyes of gratefulness and look for something to be thankful for.

If you are in a season of struggling, this may be hard to do, but set out to take one step at a time and start small by being thankful for just one small thing. Eventually, with time and practice, it will get easier to be thankful and grateful for everything, even when it is hard to see.

You have this friend!

Feel free to share your moment of gratefulness below in the comments. I would love to share them with you.

Comfort, Journey

Changing Awareness Within Ourselves

Encouragement Today

Do you struggle with emotions that are inappropriate and misleading? Do you struggle with the feeling that you do not measure up to those around you? Have you waged a battle within yourself where your outer self says you are everything you want to be while your inner being says, “I don’t think so, you will never be enough?”

My friend, do not believe the lies which your inner being feeds you. God did not create anyone to be less than themselves. God created everyone to be successful within themselves.

If you’re inner being is telling you that you are not as good as the person next door or the people you live with or your spouse, speak up and take those thoughts captive. Lock them up and refuse to believe them.

They are lies. They are always lies and will always be lies. 

To break this ugly cycle of lies in your head and your heart is not an easy step, but it is one that is required to become healthy.

“What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.” Abraham H. Maslow

The step to this is change.

It is necessary to change from the negative thoughts to the positive ones in order to know who you really are. It is healthy to believe in the truth of what is real than to believe in the lies of falsehood.

When you see the truth about those things your outer being tells you, then you will be able to better see through the lies the enemy is trying to tell you.

Do not be afraid of this change. It is healthier to make the changes than it is to continue to believe in the lies you have become so accustomed to. When you do, you will be astonished at how productive your life will become.

Don’t be afraid of change, My Friend. It is a healthy plan in life.

Discouraged, encouragement, Exhausted, Grief, Healthy, Journey, Life, Update, Weak

Free Yourself From The Mask of Lies

My Heartfelt Thank You!

To my faithful followers and readers this week, thank you for accommodating me as I had to process the loss of my little guy.

03F8333A-7804-49B5-870B-86C425ADBEEFI am trying to clear my head and get back into the “game” of life. I will try to change my focus back over to things that impact the lives of others. It is my desire to continue to touch others by my words and my actions.

I know you all do not know who I am or what I am about, but I have to confess, what you saw this week was a new and changing me. Had I lost my little guy back in December you wouldn’t have even known he existed. I would not have written about him. You would definitely not have seen the pain of the experience. I would have hidden behind a fake smile and a fake, “I am okay.”

I was raised believing you do not show others your real emotions if they are packed with hurt and pain. You keep those emotions hidden in your heart. Now as I am on this journey of change, I can see first hand how this is wrong and damaging.

I know this week has been an extremely difficult one. It has been wrought with pain and tears, worry, concern and everything I would have hid behind just a month ago.  So in turn with the attempt to hide behind a lie, I would have used the mask of anger as my crutch to deal with the pain.

My friends, I don’t know about you, but I am personally tired of hiding behind this  mask of anger. It was so freeing to experience my real emotions, no matter how difficult they were, as I processed the loss of my little guy. It was refreshing to share that grief and pain then it would have been to hide from it.

Thank you for accommodating me as I used my blog to experience this change in my life. I will eventually be able to look back at the progress I have made as I continue to trek forward in my journey of change.

Now as the days continue to pass and my brain becomes more clearer, I will be able to write more thought provoking posts, but right at this moment, as I allow my heart to replace the pain with memories I have to catch up as well on some sleep. This will also enable me to clear my mind.

What you all do not know is that for the past three months my little guy was seriously struggling with his health issues. He was no longer able to sleep through the night. He would wake me up several times which prevented me from getting quality sleep. I mostly only napped at night instead of sleeping, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I have a clear conscience knowing I did everything I could to keep him as happy and comfortable as I could. Although now I have to learn how to sleep again, since that went on for so long.

It is nice to know when I go to bed, that unless I need to get up for some reason, that I will be able to stay in bed all night. I figure by the end of the week, I will begin to see my new life without sleep interruptions and with great sadness. It will all be replaced by valuable sleep and precious memories.

It is my prayer for those of you who have learned to hide behind the same mask of emotional lies that you are able to find the place where you able to tear that mask off of allow yourself to live a life of real emotions and you will find living a life of real emotions will free you from an emotional bondage that has you weighed down physically, mentally, and emotionally. 

Please learn from my years of emotional bondage that this is not a healthy way of life. Free yourself starting today and allow yourself to feel your “real” emotions. You will be so relieved when you do.

Your challenge for today is to openly express your real emotions. Take that ugly mask of lies off and allow the true healing begin.

You are beautiful without that ugly mask. Allow your heart to breathe. 

Lastly, remember… You Are…. Enough! 

Do this for “You”!

Challenge, Character, Discouraged, Encouragement Today, Journey, Life, Trials

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

Encouragement Today

1BE148ED-63F0-4E8D-A3D5-65C7DFE31E8CChange produces beauty, but often times we forget it can be a painful process while it is occurring.

My friend, a simple reminder, are you tired of living a life which is painful, hurtful, boring, or lacking in direction, take the steps to make the changes that will make you happy again. 

No matter how difficult these changes are, be sure to open your eyes and have a vision to see the beauty that will occur in the end.

Remember this simple quote,

“Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Unknown Author 

Life is short Sweet Friend, live it in such a way that will give you happiness.

You deserve it. You are… enough!