I am thanking God today is Friday.
Today is the third doctor appointment for this week, let alone in the past twenty-four hours. Yesterday I started the day out at one with my husband, then I got home to take my Kiddo to one of hers and now I am back to another one for my husband this morning.
Today I decided to use my time wisely and write instead of vegging out while I wait.
As I left my husband to do the procedure, I was handed the all to familiar buzzer and told, “We will call you when we are ready to have you come back again.”
There was a time, not that long ago this wasn’t a familiar way of life. I miss those days. I am not sure if life will ever go back to them or not, but right now I am sitting right in the middle of this journey.
Our life has become multiple doctor appointments a week whether they be for my husband or for my daughter. I find myself sitting and waiting for what feels like countless hours whether it is for procedures or surgeries, or whether they be just for multiple doctor appointments.
I am by no means complaining, as I wouldn’t change anything about it. This is what you do for family. You jump over hurdles, you cross through valley’s and when life is good your enjoy the beauty of the peacefulness as you rest from what you have been through.
I am extremely thankful for the ability to have a life where I do not work outside of my home, so I can take care of my husband now and be there to hold my daughter’s hand and fight along beside her now she is grown. I by no means will ever take this for granted.
I am, however, writing from the raw depths of my heart and the tired and weariness of this on going journey we have found ourselves in. I never realized how exhausting endless doctor appointments could be. I guess because I never realized how much more there was to them then just driving to an appointment and waiting in the waiting room.
There is the endless worry over them. There is always a sense of mental processing going on. There is the endless researching to figure out what questions need to be addressed. There is the always trying to be a step ahead of the doctor so if they tell you something, then you know if it sounds familiar or not.
I have learned when people say to take your health care into your own hands, this is real. Thankfully, when you have doctors you can trust you are able to let your guard down some, but until that relationship is built, you are always at a heightened state of alert.
I think this contributes to this state of exhaustion. To those of you who find yourselves in a similar situation, my heart and hugs go out to you. Please know if I lived near you, I would bring you a bottle of water or your favorite drink and would sit with you as you wait. I know the empty feeling of loneliness as I sit here myself waiting here for another time.
I would like to share another thankful moment I have through this journey and this is the fact I am making friends with the staff, doctors, and nurses which both my husband and daughter have. This truly helps to make this time in life a little more pleasent one, if that is possible.
As I watch people while I wait here, I have learned there are many personalities that play into making a hospital experience an interesting one. You have your people who are sensitive and gentle. They do everything within their power to make you feel comfortable. They listen to you and try to find the missing puzzle pieces to help you feel better and they genuinely care.
Then there are the people who are helpful and sweet. They try to accommodate to your simplest of needs. We have one office I take Kiddo to when she is in excruciating pain from a migraine and when we check in they have a quiet dark room ready for her with nausea medicine all ready for her to take while she is being triaged. This is taking your job to a whole new level of caring and concern. They are truly angels in nursing scrubs and doctors coats.
We have also been in not so caring doctor offices too. We have been in ones where they were insensitive and cold. They were rude and disrespectful. I often wondered how it was that they were even in the medical field?
How can you be so insensitive to look at someone who is sick and in pain and dismiss their symptoms and tell them to leave your office, there is nothing they can do for you. After all I have been through to fight for my daughter’s health needs, this kind of behavior should not be permitted ever in the health care field. I am a believer that sensitivity goes a long way. I am believing God is a bigger man and one day this bad behavior will be addressed on a much higher level.
So with all of these befuddled raw thoughts and emotions, I will continue to walk through this long medical journey with both my husband and my daughter and I will try with every ounce of strength I have to give them the love, strength, and commitment to their on going health needs that I have.
It is my hope, if you find yourself in a similar situation, that my words somehow encouraged you to know you are not alone. There are other people who know and understand the loneliness, weariness, and constant concern you have for your loved ones.
We have to stand together, strong and tall, and travel along this medical journey knowing we are braver then we think, stronger then we know, and loved beyond measure.
Lastly, as we continue to take care of our sick and injured loved ones, please know in your heart, although they may not say it or even express it, they are thankful for you and would be lost without you.
As a parting thought, God is so good. I had just finished writing my post and was sitting here in my own little world of thoughts reviewing what I wrote only to look up to see a familiar face sitting down in front of me. How ironic as I poured my heart out about how lonley it is to sit here waiting hours on end for procedures and surgeries to finish, when God provided that unexpected familiar face in amongst all the strange faces in this crowd.
Now I know this post is meant to touch the hearts of others, so if you are one, know God hears your cry and knows your every tear. He is still walking with you. His only wish for you is to continue to be His faithful and obedient servant.
My Friend, continue to wait on Him, place your faith and trust in Him and when you least expect it, God will richly bless you with the desire of your heart, just as he did for me today.
Lastly, cherish those moments and keep them close to your heart. They will sustain you during your times of difficulties and weakness.
To my faithful friend, SSG K, if you read this today, you will never know how nice it was to see your sweet face in this crowd of loneliness today. You were truly a blessing from God.