My mission is to provide you with inspiration and encouragement to live everyday to it's fullest. I do this by sharing the simple things in life such as recipes to the most difficult of things such a life. We all know life is a struggle and many days a balancing act, but I am here to inspire you to do it well. Everything I write about is designed to inspire as well as encourage you to be a "better" you that you can be. Everything I share is raw and real. I do not cover up or sugar coat what I write about. This would benefit no one. My goal is for you to walk away feeling uplifted and encouraged after leaving my page. Lastly, I am here to remind you that you are… enough and beautiful… just the way you are.
Sometimes being a mom… is having to do the tough stuff when you don’t want to.
It is having to give your child 4 shots worth of infusions after she already experienced 40 shots in her head earlier in the day.
Sometimes it is showing up for them when you are so tired you can’t fathom taking one more step in the day.
It is sacrificing your career because you decide their education is more important to you than what you set out to do for yourself.
Sometimes it is holding them when they are hurt or sick.
Sometimes it is falling on your knees in prayer because you are desperate to help them when no one else can.
Mom’s, when you begin to doubt yourself and your ability to be a “mom”, stop yourself and give yourself the grace to know that no matter how hard the day is or how hard the “season” you are in is, that God sees you.
He knows your heart. He knows your pain. He drys your tears and He gives you the grace to get up in the morning to see that it is a new day.
Remember, no matter how bad today was or how tired and frustrated you may be, know you are making a difference. Know God made you to be the “perfect mom” to your children and it wasn’t by accident.
As a result, He will bless you with the strength, knowledge, grace, and wisdom you need to raise them.
Big hugs mom as you start your day or you are ending your day.
This is how I am starting my day again. Sitting in a doctor’s office parking lot.
Today is a bit harder though. Today I could just sit here and weep as my daughter walks off by herself to go get 25-30 nerve blocks in her head for another month.
I’m choosing to not give in to my emotions though in just the off chance the “Corona Police” are not at the front door inspecting everyone (please, do not criticize my response). I know they are there to help and protect others, but when you live what we live, it isn’t easy to run into this “all” the time.
Thanks to this Corona Pandemic she has to do all her doctor appointments alone, because they will not let me anywhere near the building.
Seriously people, who wants to get all of these shots in their head and do it alone?
I can speak for myself, no, not me! I hate shots and I’m talking just the ones you get in your arm.
But for my precious daughter, she is getting them in her head to help with her chronic migraines. It is the only way she can manage them now. She does this once a month, but who knew we would ever get to a point in life where she would be forced, by others, to have to endure this all alone.
Today is one of those difficult days to watch her suffer and struggle.
I have already texted my husband asking, why?!? Why does she have to battle to live a “normal” life.
Why does everyday have to be one where she endures pain and overwhelming fatigue?
Why can’t she be healthy and live a “typical” college kid’s life?
This has been an exasperating week for us, which is probably why I just want to sit and weep and maybe even just cry.
Our health insurance, which is suppose to be the top of the line, has decided that because she reached her “projected” graduation date that they are going to cancel her health insurance in a matter of days.
These are the same people who pay a “ton” of money for her health care already.
So we have had to jump through some mega hoops to get the proof from her college, (that is closed down due to the Covid-19 crisis), to prove she is still in college.
I am completely baffled as to how and why this is happening still.
We are left now praying that everything we submitted will work to prove she is still in college. If just one person slows this process down, she will be left not covered by health insurance.
Without health insurance all her treatments will stop, she will not have access to the specialists we spent years trying to find, and we will not be able to afford all the medicine she is on.
This is such as scary thought as I write it. It should be something we shouldn’t even have to be going through. The system is seriously broken for this to be occurring. This was something we knew would be coming on her 23rd birthday, and that we were prepared mentally for, and would not have waited until the last minute, or in this case, second, to fix it.
No, in this situation, someone made a serious mistake 2 years ago and we are just now finding out about it and have literally hours to fix it before the damage it will cause to my daughter will be massive, debilitating and permanent.
So, I sit here with a knot in the pit of my stomach, looking at a busy parking lot. There is an ambulance and a fire truck at the entrance where I keep looking up to see if my daughter is walking out of.
I’m left to sit here asking God why? Why does she have to suffer? What will be her story? What will be her testimony? Why does every day have to be a battle?
Until God decides the time to reveal those answers, I know I just have to keep trusting in Him for the direction, protection, and discernment.
Are you in a similar battle? I know others are. Please know I’m here with you. I know the lonely feeling this life brings. Please know if you are, I standing beside you.
I don’t know about you, but we have had a months worth of Mondays all in one.
We started the day out with my daughter struggling to be an adult today.
Her computer crashed over the weekend, which to anyone who works from home or is an online college student knows this is a very bad thing to happen.
She has to have a new computer up and running before Wednesday when her next lesson is due.
This was very difficult on her because we learned no one wants to give a young adult any form of credit. This was extremely messy and stressful, but after jumping through several obstacles, we figured out how to get this to come together.
In the end our sweet family friend, who is stationed in Italy, gave her the best advice to find her computer as well as our family who helped her financially, were all able to pull together everything she needed to find her computer thus putting an end to this very stressful morning.
No matter how frustrated we were, God protected her, even though it was hard to see while we met rejection and denial after denial.
I tell this nightmare story to remind you that no matter what your plans are, God’s plans will always trump yours, but be encouraged, because no matter what His plans are, they will always be better than yours.
Just because you don’t understand why something is going wrong, do not fear, because God is not surprised.
It may not be easy to remember, but if you can, take a step back and trust in God to have your plan and your journey already figured out.
He will not leave you or forsake you now.
Be encouraged, those who may be worried about their jobs, paychecks, child care, education, health issues, and sickly family members, for God knows your concerns and fears. He is working out your plans now. He knows where your next paycheck as well as all of your concerns will come from.
Remember, He knows what you do not know yet.
Take the time to lean on Him during these times of uncertainty. He will give you the peace and comfort you need.
It is Friday night again and we are sitting here together as Kiddo does another week of IgG Infusions.
This is not the best way for her to spend her Friday night, as most college students her age are out having fun, but doing it tonight is proving to be so much better for her.
By doing this on Friday night she is able to go to bed and sleep off the side effects that she was was trying to work (literally through) before she changed to Friday night. She is also able to rest her body tomorrow as she struggles through the remaining side effects.
She is amazingly strong and courageous. Every time she does this, she amazes me at the strength she has to sit there and inject 4 separate needles into her legs and then sit there for an hour or more while she waits for the infusion to finish.
For all she battles with her body on a daily basis, it breaks my heart to watch her, but I also find a sense of pride to call her my daughter because I know she has dig deep down inside to do something that the rest of us take for granted every day.
Her road ahead looks a bit dark as we struggle to figure out what it is going to take to give her her life back, but thankfully after four long hard years of struggling already and battling for the fights we have won and battling the fights we have lost, we are closer now to finding this solution than she has ever been in the years back.
It is my prayer that the journey she is on with the new medicines and treatments that there will be an end to this battle she battles within her body.
I was going to get ready to close until she just read me this amazingly fitting bible verse which I will share with you as well,
God is with her, she will not fall. Ps 46:5
God, you are amazing with your timing.
I was not going to write tonight as I often feel like what I write is not important and would not affect anyone else, but with closing with this verse and knowing Kiddo has no idea what I am doing, I know I was meant to write this tonight.
If you are battling a battle that is one you never dreamt you would battle, know you are not alone.
God has your back just as He has my daughter’s. He is with you, My Friend!
Find peace and comfort in this tonight.
Now I am going to close as I am sure Kiddos infusion should be close to being finished.
My friend, rest tonight. Allow God to take the burdens of the week away from you and sleep in the protection of His arms tonight.
It has been a busy past two weeks. I found myself lost in the physical day to day and did not take the time to process any thoughts I may have had along the way.
I found myself not only being a nurse but found myself also being a motivator and a teacher again. My Kiddo found herself up against a rock and a hard place in trying to meet important deadlines to finish her college classes from where she fell behind while experiencing the hardship of her two-month-long migraine and then finding herself extremely sick with this ugly month long cold.
I tried to encourage her that she was stronger than she thought she was and to help her to see the confidence I had in her, for herself. I helped to read some of the work to her, as the magnitude of reading she had to do was intense and a migraine now just was not something that could happen. It could not, it was not an option.
I found myself being a “nurse” to my daughter again because she is going on four weeks of being sick with an ugly cold and now my husband, who lost the entire week of work last week, has it as well.
Her cold took a significant turn for the worse over the long Thanksgiving Holiday and so that set her back in her classes by a few more days as well. It is hard to focus on homework when you have a sinus infection, pink eye, strep throat, and laryngitis.
Thankfully because she communicated with her professors along the way, they were more than accommodating, and so I, as her mom. was extremely thankful.
This is a side note, I am a happy Mom now, as she just told me as I was writing this, that she just submitted the final project to one of her classes thus officially completing another class for this semester. Now she will have more time to work aggressively to finish up another one due this week.
Next weekend will officially begin our “joyous” holiday season. The stress of classes will be behind us and the fun part of Christmas can begin. We can start our Christmas shopping, baking, and movie watching and even more so when the school she works at shuts down for the Holiday.
I know between her being sick and stressed out, it is hard to have my Holiday cheer completely intact. It is hard to find the time to bake my goodies and shop for presents or make homemade gifts, when we are running back and forth to doctor appointments, taking her to work as well as running errands.
Thankfully I was able to get the house decorated inside and outside, so our home is festive, but the emotional joy of the season has been on hold and will continue to be until Friday.
We have declared next Monday as our day of celebration. We have set a goal for completion as all her classes have to be done and turned in between now and Friday. I feel that we can celebrate together, since I bore a lot of the stress of her being sick and behind this semester.
Between the tears that have been shed for the intense physical pain (that almost hospitalized her) and the anxiety of being behind in her classes, we have earned the right to celebrate together.
It is my hope and desire this week will be a bit easier on us. I seriously need my family to get well again. Especially since now they have successfully shared this crummy cold mess with me. I do not have the time or energy to be sick as well. I am just praying that if I continue to have the mind over matter philosophy to this that it will go away quickly. I am trying very hard to not recognize it and if I do not, then it won’t get as bad as it is trying to do.
With all of this being said, I need to complete my thoughts and get to work on a couple of orders we have for our business (@HL&E Designs). I am carrying a huge burden to get them done and delivered to their respective customers.
Thank you for patiently reading my journaling journey of random thoughts. It truly does help to release what I am thinking through writing my words down in a safe place.
It is my hope and prayer your week is a pleasent one and that you too are able to find some Christmas joy in your heart.
Until I write again… Have a calm and refreshing day.
We made it to church today which was a big deal since we have not been making it due to Kiddo’s migraines. Unfortunately, she is now suffering with a headache and I am praying she is able to catch it and keep it from getting worse.
She complained about having watery eyes this morning before church and we are learning this is one of her pre-dromes. She is extremely tired and I am seriously wondering if this is setting her up for a migraine tomorrow. I am always watching her to determine what are triggers that cause her migraines, but it is so hard because of her constant pain.
She is supposed to contact her Migraine Specialist to let them know how she is doing post nerve blocks. I am not even sure what to think. Across the board she has done better, but I do not think today was to be another pain day especially if this is setting her up for a migraine tomorrow.
Her objective tomorrow is to get up and start working on catching up in her college classes. She is so far behind, it is crazy, but thankfully her professors have been very understanding. I am praying by the time her next semester begins her Aimoveg kicks in and she truly gets pain relief.
It is my hope on my end to paint my kitchen and living room over the next couple of days because my husband has to go out of town for work. These rooms are in desperate need of some love, but I also know everything is dependent oh how Kiddo wakes up. I made sure the paint I will use has zero VOC’s in it so I should not be a cause for her migraine.
It is my prayer Kiddo will be able to sleep well with the time change and she wakes up with pain relief. It is also my prayer she will be able to have a productive school week so she does not get stressed out over how far behind she is.
If you feel inclined to join me in praying this for her, please know I will appreciate them.