As I sit here at the hospital waiting on my husband to have a procedure done again, I find myself feeling emotionally depleted.
My morning started out by having to force my baby boy (AKA, Shadow) to take his anxiety medicine so he could go to the vet for his surgery to have a mass removed from his paw. It broke my heart to leave him at the Veternarian Clinic. I feel like I have left my child at the hospital. I know he is in good hands, but the fact he was confused, anxious, and scared as well as this could be cancerous makes this appointment a little more scary and worrisome, He is only three years old and to think this is a possibility is something I do not want to fathom.
Once I left Shadow at the vet, I jumped back in my car to bring my husband to his hospital where we will find out if he will need surgery and will determine if he will even go home today or if he could possibly be admitted to this hospital.
I can tell you, this is too much to process emotionally in one morning. I am literally bouncing between worrying about them both as I sit here alone again.
I do not understand why our life is so out of control? What happened to life when it was all routined. My husband would get up and go to work every day. My daughter and I would work on her classes and would do anything else that popped into the day. We would meet back up at the end of the day, go to bed, and repeat.
What happened to life when it was predictable? Now I just hold my breath from day to day, feeling like I am waiting for the bottom to fall out on someone’s health issues.
I am praying we get some answers on my husband so he can hopefully regain his health and get back to his “normal” again. But until we find this out, I just sit here alone with my thoughts running out of control.
Now to pep talk us through some form of encouragement today. Do you find yourself in a similar situation where life just has you feeling like you are running around on a hamster wheel, feeling like you are not going anywhere? Please know you are not alone.
There are others who know what this feeling is and how dark it can feel. Please find a source or an outlet to open up and allow your run away emotions to be set free.
Before I started writing, I just wanted to go hide in a bathroom and just cry my heart out, but that was not an option, however, since I started writing I feel like I can breathe again. You need to do the same thing. You need to find what your source of comfort is.
Seek and search until you find it. Do not allow yourself to be consumed by all of your out of control circumstances. Your life is just as important as everyone else and you need to keep yourself healthy and fit both physically and emotionally. Do not allow yourself to fall into a pit of despair. Nothing in this life is worth that bondage.
Your reminder is this: You are important, you are uniquely special. Treat yourself accordingly!
Disclaimer, please excuse any grammatical errors this post may hold. I normally proofread on my computer, but since I am at the hospital, I may not catch all my errors.